Time to Get Busy

So I've done lots of thinking and reconsidering over the past few days. I've come to some conclusions and have decided to move forward on several fronts. First, I'm going to start publishing some of my stuff. I've played AD&D for over 30 years and have amassed a considerable library of homebrewed material. I'm fairly saavy at what works and what doesn't, and I know the game about as well as anyone else who plays it. So my gaming works just need some polishing up and rewriting to make them OSRIC compatible and they are ready for release.

In order to facilitate this I've built a separate site Sleeping Wizard Press where I will be giving updates on product progress and release info. I am also an amateur author. Have been for years and years and well ... years. I've never actually submitted anything for publication; but I may also be releasing some of that in a separate line from the gaming material. My brother and I have also been working on a few projects together that may see the light of day at some point.

Please know I am not doing this to get rich. Right? Most of the material will be available for free or for minimal cost via download. Although I am considering doing some of it by print on demand from Lulu. We'll see how things go. The cost of any projects are simply to justify my time. I do have a family and a very loving wife that indulges my gaming hobby quite nicely. But if I am going to start spending more time writing there has to be some justification. So, nuff with all that, k?

The real reason I'm doing this is because I have been in gaming limbo for over ten years now. Ever since AD&D was dropped I've looked for a new gaming home, for a purpose in the hobby. I've discovered quite a bit of that in running the RPG club at the school where I teach. I've had the pleasure of bringing over 60 or more kids to the hobby of gaming, and more importantly given them a place to belong at school, an opportunity to find like minded friends, and have received numerous parent testimonials about how good the club has been for there until then very shy child who always hated going to school. It's been quite gratifying.

I must admit that I've missed having a close group of adult gaming buddies that I game with every week. Haven't had that since my early college years. But I am going to be running a monthly game at Wild on Hobbies our Friendly Local Gaming Store (FLGS) here very soon. The idea is to bring people into the store in the eyes of the store owner, and I can't begrudge him that. He deserves all the help he can get. He's a fellow teacher at the school where I teach and is barely breaking even with the store. He's said many times that it's more like a service he provides instead of a money making endeavor. So I'm glad to do all that I can to help. It may bring me together with a few older gaming friends too as a side bonus, and that would be just fine with me.

But I still needed something more. I kept lamenting the end of my favorite game and playstyle, but was really hung up on trivialities. It took me a long time to notice this, but my old books were just hard to let go of. I knew there were clones that played very similarly or in some cases better than the originals. I had run several sessions with them and some long term campaigns very successfully. But I always pined for my old books. I longed for everyone at the table to be playing with those venerable tomes at their side. It was of course nostalgia, and comfort that kept me from realizing that these new games enabled everyone to play again, easier and more fluidly than ever before. In exactly the same style if not the exact verbatim rules. I was, in short, missing a golden opportunity. I could be a part of continuing to support and keep alive the old school gaming that I love so much. I could do that by supporting the endeavors of others in the field and in producing my own new material to extend and enliven the game.

Hence Sleeping Wizard Press. And my new found excitement and purpose. They say you have to hit bottom to get better, to transform into something more worthy and beautiful. At least that's what the alchemists teach. Well, a few days ago I hit bottom. If you missed it you can read about it here. Suffice it to say that I do miss Gary. I've been thinking about his little known work Roleplaying Mastery that he wrote some years ago. In it he talks about levels of progress in the hobby. And one I've never quite felt like I had achieved was to give back to the hobby. Well, I guess I started doing that with the RPG club. But I was always scattered as to where I belonged even amidst the club's goings on I couldn't feel at home with any game. I still felt like my game was gone. I'm sure Gary lamented that as well, even when he was still with us. But the biggest tribute I could give him was to keep that early style of play alive and burning brightly. So now I'm giving back to the style of play I like the most by providing others with material for them to enjoy. Hopefully it does a little to keep the ever-burning flame of Gygaxian style play alive and well.  It has given me so much it's all i can do to give back a little as well.

Cheers Gary! True, Gary tis gone ... But Long Live Gary!!!

Still Teaching Us From Afar

Seeking What Was Lost: Or What to do When Your Favorite RPG Goes Out of Print.

"Nothing in this world is forever.

But others may have found what you've lost."

Alexander "Ka Blog" Osias

After yesterday's blog post some might wonder what the heck will he say next. Given that the post was quite an emotional venting, it might be hard to follow up. But no, thanks to feedback from those out there in net-land I've been given food for thought.

First, we all know that Gary Gygax was a great man. Not the only great man of gaming, but he had the fortune of being thrust to the front for a pivotal period in the hobby's creation. He's not perfect, not of us are. But I did alot of thinking about Gary yesterday. And the funny thing I realized is that I didn't think about him too much when I was a younger gamer. I just gamed. In a way that's a shame. I could have learned so much more about him and his thoughts if I had taken the time. But I was too busy enjoying his game! See, 'cause what I was focused on then was not the industry, the creator of the game or even the larger gaming community. I was thinking about our next session. About my next adventure that needed prepping and about meeting the needs of my friend's and their many characters.

And that got me to questioning myself again--what was it that I really missed? Was it the game? Was it the foundational industry of TSR? Gary? No. It wasn't any of those things exactly. It was the shared community of friends that took place in an imaginary world that was driven by the one game we played. I asked myself if AD&D had never been and Steve Jackson had been the creator of RPGs would I be vapidly addicted to GURPS instead of AD&D? Very possibly. It could have been Tunnels and Trolls, Hero, or any other of a number of systems if they had been my intro to the hobby. It was AD&D by fortuitous circumstance. What really mattered is that me and my friends were getting together and experiencing an imagined world of magic and adventure. The game had become secondary, background, watermarked behind the vivid color of our our adventures. They were what was important.

Now, I will say that AD&D fit the bill for the kind of fantasies we enjoyed telling. It's impossible to know what came first the fantasies or the vehicle in which to have them. But somehow they achieved a certain synergy in our collective minds and AD&D became the chosen vehicle for us to tell our stories. But the other essential ingredient was the group of friends to game with. They were as important or more so than the game we chose to play. So truly, it's not what you game it's who you game with.

I now play with a variety of players. They come in all sizes, shapes, personalities, and preferences. Some I have really enjoyed gaming with. Some I most definitely have not. But running the club and managing so many groups makes member acceptance a higher priority than my personal preferences. I can't simply turn someone away because I don't like their gaming style, or behavior or personality. As a "teacher" of RPGs in the public school system it is my role to teach to all who come as long as they obey the rules. Honestly, at times this can be a chore, but in the end it's worth it. However there are those years and those groups that sometimes really click. We tell awesome stories together. Stories that get retold again and again and ascend in our minds to the status of legend. This has happened in OSRIC, in C&C, in Hackmaster, in Pathfinder, in 3.5, and yes, even in 4e. So those moments do come, and confirm for me it's not what you game it's who you game with.

So my favorite game has gone out of print. Call me silly, but I've been very loathe to let it go. Call me late because it happened over 11 years ago. The knowledge that it's actually not commerically supported in it's current form anymore hampered my enthusiasm. Yes, anyone can continue to play with their out of print books. Lots of people do. And that's fine. There are a number of excellent resources out there making new material that is very compatible with older systems. So you can find any number of new modules and supplements to play with, and tweaking a module to fit an older system is quite easy. But it doesn't quite work the other way around. Tweaking a clone to read exactly as an original core rulebook is a bit difficult. In fact it's illegal. So it's quite a bit harder to use the old books side by side with a new clone. As I've said before it's better to use all clone or all old print books. This has always caused me angst for some reason. I think I was connecting the real magic of an older system with the "books" and not the synergy. But I've begun to realize that it's not what you play it's who you play with. So if your favorite game goes out of print, don't sweat it. Keep your old books. All is not lost.

Fortunately there is the Old School Renaissance. The OSR is there for a number of reasons, not the least of which is to preserve older styles of play. However some might argue that it's prime prupose was to preserve those styles of play by creating systems which would allow continued production of new material and support for certain game styles. The OSR is also very closely related to the Indie game publishing scene. Scores of gamers are now releasing what might be called variants to old school games. Games that retain the spirit of the old school style, but are decidedly different in one or more ways. Many new games are also coming out that have at best vague connections to old school and are radically different in their approach and execution.

The fact is there are numerous options for players looking for what they may have thought was lost. And many of these games may exactly emulate what you were used to playing. The best of all most are absolutely free for download via the internet. True, some of the OSR has gone commercial, creating high quality clones and variants on old school themes. But either way the OSR is your solution when your favorite game goes out of print. Because not only are there now close recreations of just about every game earlier in print, there are also increasing fan and commerically produced supports for these games. All you need to do is hook up with an OSR game that fits your perferred style.

Now, it's very likely that if you are currently gaming when your game goes out of print you know this and are ready and prepared for what is coming. It is much more likely that you are, like I was, coming back to gaming after a hiatus. You want to play the game you left off with only to find the industry has bulldozed your magic woods a long time ago. You my even try the latest commercial version of the game bearing the title you're familiar with, whether it be Dungeons & Dragons, Traveler, or Runeqeust. Only to find that it's not the game you recall at all. Have no fear, the OSR is here. It is very likely that someone somewhere has reproduced a very close simulacra of your preferred game and that there is an avid fanbase producing support material still today.

Heavens bless the OSR!

The next step of course is to keep your gaming group alive, or to build a new one. That can be a little tougher. Especially for us adults. I have found that in most large cities you can always find a group of people willing to play an old school game--even if they be few. However, in smaller towns or rural areas it may be a bit harder. If you're lucky enough to find a hobby shop you can start there, but you may still struggle. I certainly have. You may have to step out of your comfort zone and play some play by post or email games. Maybe you can arrange a game by Skype, or use software like Maptools. There are a growing number of resources out there. I'm beginning to consider them myself even though I have always avoided these types of game environments. I prefer to game face to face at the same tabel with my friends. But it's better to have

Skype or email gaming buddies than no gaming buddies at all.

This last part however, is very important. Because once again it's not what you game it's who you game with. The people that you game regularly with are more critical to your game's success and your enjoyment than the edition or model. Now, I'm not gonna say that Edition doesn't matter at all. It does. I persoanlly have a very hard time with 4e, don't really like skill based systems and tend to game fantasy. So if you already know you like a certain version, iteration or edition of a game then finding a good group with a similar creative agenda is very important. In this too the OSR is improving. The OSR community is growing and reaching out more and more. So it is easier than ever to hook up with fellow OSR gamers. You just have to make the effort.

For you see, I'm really writing this for myself. If you read yesterday's post you might get the impression I'm so fed up and bummed with the situation that I'm gonna give up. Well, I can't do that. I always come back to gaming. And Old School gaming is where I thrive. What I really need is a good steady gaming group. The groups at school are great, but they are not feeding my need for a real close group of dedicated gamers. Longtime gamers that are interested in collective worldbuilding on an epic scale. It may take some time to find gamers like this near me. But I'm, gonna start looking. For Alexander's right, "Nothing in this world is forever. But others may have found what you have lost."

What Are we Looking For? Settling on a Game of Choice.

So I spent yesterday pondering. Lots of things really, but mainly about games. Big surprise, huh? I recall once reading a books about horses some years back. My daughter wanted a horse and I was trying to self-educate. Anyway, the author said he had been through many hobbies, but he always came back to horses. I wondered while reading that statement, what it was I always came back to. The answer was easy of course. Games. Games, particularly roleplaying games--have always been my hobby of choice. There were times that I gamed less, in college for instance, but I always felt like I was missing something. And that something was gaming. For me, there was truly nothing like it. Yes, table-top roleplaying games were my hobby of choice.

So that got me to thinking yesterday. Sundays are a quiet time for me and my family. Conducive to pondering and intrapersonal ruminations. Anyway, I'm thinking about games of course, and my mind turns to my game of choice. Is there a game I always return to? For the longest time my game of choice had always been Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. It's what I started with, it's the structure in which I was most comfortable imagining and creating. It held lots of memories. It spoke the fantasy language I was familiar with. It had connections to people both met and unmet that I respected and admired. It was my game.

It has only been in the past few years, well it seems like a few but I guess it's almost been over a decade now, that I have been nursing a slowly breaking heart. It seems silly really. It seems childish. I mean it doesn't feel that way to me. This sadness and sorrow of loss feels very real and very present and very, very large. It aches really. For you see, it's like I wake up and am so tired of all the other games, of all the industry crap, of all my debates and diatribes and false starts. I decide to walk out to the horse pen. Back to the horses. I get dressed in my comfortable riding jeans, pull on my boots, grab my dusty saddle and careworn bridle still supple from thousands of loving applications of of saddle soap. I open the back door wondering where me and my horse will ride today. Along the ridges behind the property? Perhaps in the deep creek valley where the shade of the Russian Olives is so cool. Maybe towards the badlands and their beautiful, bleak mesas and hidden draws. Perhaps somewhere we've never even been. I reach the stable, which is unusually silent. I open the gate, clucking my tongue which always brought him running to me in anticipation of a long, sweet ride. But he doesn't come. No nicker, no whinny, no munching of hay in the back of the barn's shade. I search each stall, concerned. More worried with each step I end up back in the stable yard. My saddle hanging limp in my hand now, bridle dragging in the dust. And slowly the shocking realization dawns fully. He's gone. And I know he's just not gone for awhile. He's really, truly gone. And he's never coming back.

And there the metaphors die. Because the natural course of action in the scenario above is to go out and buy a new horse. Now, anyone who knows anything about owning pets. and not just owning them, but really loving them, caring about them like they were one of your family, knows that when one dies or is lost that you can't just replace it. Just buying a new one never does the trick. You need time to mourn, to grieve. And then after a while you will get a new horse or a new dog and you will end up loving it as much as the one now departed. You will still miss them, and that pang of loss never quite goes away, but the new love the new joy and companionship of your new pet makes the grief much easier to bear and at times it seems as if it never existed at all.

I've looked for new games. I've played dozens of games in an effort to find some new game of choice. I've even played retro-clones, and tried to dedicate myself to preserving that spirit of games gone by. Nothing has filled the hole. Nothing has fit the bill. I've wondered why, I've contemplated, written and talked about it with literally hundreds of people. I've thought I've come to decisions lots of times. But nothing seems to stick. nothing seems the same.

A common attack levelled at the Old School Renaissance gamers is that they are chasing nostalgia. I've talked about this before, but I don't think that's a fair assessment. We have truly lost something. We're not just talking about pining for the good old days. We/I have tried to "get into the spirit of things" now. I've played new games, and new old games. And I've even tried to gather all my old books and play AD&D like I used to. But even then it seems to be dead. It's like playing with a dead horse, or at best a stick horse. I suppose that's because noone I've played 1e with really wants to play. They humor me, but complain alot. But it's more than that.

Gary is gone too. ... ... ... Is it too dramatic for me to say that something died when he did? I'm not sure that's the case, but it makes me wonder. What else could it be?

So now I write about games. I still game. Pretty much whatever everyone else is willing to play. I hate to force my game choices on everybody else. That's a pretty sure way to make a game session fall flat. So I game other games. But they're flat for me. I try and hide it. I put on a smile, everyone loves my GMing. We tell stories that they seem to really enjoy. But me. I'm lost. And I feel like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way. You know that old saw about feeling alone in a crowd of people. Well, I can feel like gaming is dead in a crowd of gamers happily gaming away. I make comments at times, about games, about the old school, about what used to be ... but noone really seems to get it. To be fair I live in a small community and gamers are few and far between. I run the RPG club at the school where I teach, but that's a different ball of wax. Lots of gamer turn over from year to year as kids move from grade to grade. And they are kids after all. Most are new to gaming and need slow introductions to the hobby. Most of the older gamers have turned to MtG or Warhammer. Easy one session runs that fit into their adult schedules.

I can't help but feel that I'm still missing something. It's like I know what my hobby of choice is, but the stable is empty. It's like it's gone. I mean the hobby is there, but for me it's gone. Gone with TSR, gone with 1e and with AD&D, gone with Gary and Dave. Gone. And I'm left standing there at the gaming table, my book bag hanging limply in my hand, dice bag dragging on the floor. Speechless. A tear forming at the corner of my eye.

*sigh*

I miss you Gary ...