This realization came to me while listening to episode 7 of GrogTalk "Downtime in 1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons". The topic, of course, was filled with all of the rules and ideas that extend the game beyond the dungeon walls. It was during this discussion that one of the moderators, James, mentioned this used to be a much bigger deal when he was young, but now he simply didn't have the time to give it the proper attention. That lit a light bulb for me. That is exactly what I feel these days. Regardless of the edition, all I seem to have the time for is a three hour session and maybe an hour or two of prep. Back in the day I would spend hours, and hours on D&D. Back when I had all the time in the world.
Don't get me wrong, I have been playing almost every Sunday in a home game for the last three years or more and have played in weekly sessions for the last twelve years or more. I said I don't have the "proper" time to play D&D. And the thing is I don't believe I am any busier now than I was back in the day. I went to Scouts myself instead of taking my kids there. Same thing with church youth group, and service projects. I went to play in band concerts instead of watching my kids play. I did my homework instead of grading my student's homework. I did my chores, cleaned my room, went on outings and vacations with the family. Same stuff different age. Only then I thought about D&D constantly. I was talking to my friends about it, playing out of session as it were as we talked about training, creating items, strategizing, building towers and keeps, starting thieves' guilds as well as arguing Dragon magazine articles and debating the finer points of rules interpretations.
Now? Well, now I have much more responsibility. I have great investment in and concern about my effect on those around me. Children, spouse, my career, my political involvement, my callings at church and on and on. This, of course, is a sign of the maturity of adulthood. I certainly wasn't as concerned about others as selflessly when I was an adolescent. Yes, the carefree days of youth can be filled with a remarkable sense of freedom, but they can be pointedly self absorbed as well. Nowadays, almost every ounce of mental power I have is given over to the worries of being an adult. By the time I have a few hours for gaming if it isn't an easy set up, quick to run and doesn't require time away from the table I'm fine. But to really get into, I mean deep into the game so that it becomes immersive on the level it was back in the day--I just don't have the time, luxury or mental energy it requires.
This saddens me in a way. I mean, I don't want to chuck all my responsibilities or even short cut the important things in life for the game. But I do feel a little cheated at times, and ultimately less than satisfied with the gaming I am able to do. I could probably take a lesson from my youth and stress a little less about grown up worries and learn to relax and enjoy my hobby more. However, I also need to learn to accept that maybe gaming during this phase in my life is simply less intense. Perhaps when my gaming generation (those who started in the late 70's and early 80's) start to retire we can find each other again and enjoy the full experience that gaming has to offer once again. Oooh! New business idea? D&D retirement community in South Florida :-)
