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Wednesday, December 4, 2019

How Much Time Does It Take to Play Dungeons & Dragons?

Man, what a trip down memory lane! This film is by Ethan Gilsdorf, author of Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks, but could have been taken in the houses of any number of 1980's D&D gamers like myself. The reason I share this in a post that talks about time in D&D is that this film captures those carefree days of our youth when we had so much less to worry about. We had, in essence, all the time in the world. It was just this week when I also realized that I simply don't have the proper time to play D&D any more. In fact I haven't had enough time in a quite a few years.

This realization came to me while listening to episode 7 of GrogTalk "Downtime in 1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons". The topic, of course, was filled with all of the rules and ideas that extend the game beyond the dungeon walls. It was during this discussion that one of the moderators, James, mentioned this used to be a much bigger deal when he was young, but now he simply didn't have the time to give it the proper attention. That lit a light bulb for me. That is exactly what I feel these days. Regardless of the edition, all I seem to have the time for is a three hour session and maybe an hour or two of prep. Back in the day I would spend hours, and hours on D&D. Back when I had all the time in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I have been playing almost every Sunday in a home game for the last three years or more and have played in weekly sessions for the last twelve years or more. I said I don't have the "proper" time to play D&D.  And the thing is I don't believe I am any busier now than I was back in the day. I went to Scouts myself instead of taking my kids there. Same thing with church youth group, and service projects. I went to play in band concerts instead of watching my kids play. I did my homework instead of grading my student's homework. I did my chores, cleaned my room, went on outings and vacations with the family. Same stuff different age. Only then I thought about D&D constantly. I was talking to my friends about it, playing out of session as it were as we talked about training, creating items, strategizing, building towers and keeps, starting thieves' guilds as well as arguing Dragon magazine articles and debating the finer points of rules interpretations.

Now? Well, now I have much more responsibility. I have great investment in and concern about my effect on those around me. Children, spouse, my career, my political involvement, my callings at church and on and on. This, of course, is a sign of the maturity of adulthood. I certainly wasn't as concerned about others as selflessly when I was an adolescent. Yes, the carefree days of youth can be filled with a remarkable sense of freedom, but they can be pointedly self absorbed as well. Nowadays, almost every ounce of mental power I have is given over to the worries of being an adult. By the time I have a few hours for gaming if it isn't an easy set up, quick to run and doesn't require time away from the table I'm fine. But to really get into, I mean deep into the game so that it becomes immersive on the level it was back in the day--I just don't have the time, luxury or mental energy it requires.

This saddens me in a way. I mean, I don't want to chuck all my responsibilities or even short cut the important things in life for the game. But I do feel a little cheated at times, and ultimately less than satisfied with the gaming I am able to do. I could probably take a lesson from my youth and stress a little less about grown up worries and learn to relax and enjoy my hobby more. However, I also need to learn to accept that maybe gaming during this phase in my life is simply less intense. Perhaps when my gaming generation (those who started in the late 70's and early 80's) start to retire we can find each other again and enjoy the full experience that gaming has to offer once again. Oooh! New business idea? D&D retirement community in South Florida :-)




Monday, August 6, 2018

The Depth of Zero Charisma

I AM Scott Wiedemeyer!!

I've talked about Zero Charisma before, and if you want my short review of this movie: Zero Charisma is an amazingly insightful piece of cinema with a powerful message about how the popular media has co-opted the nerd culture and D&D in particular.

People have mixed feelings about ZC and its message but I think that is a part of the problem that ZC itself addresses, or else is the opinion of those that miss the larger message of the film. Watching the film again last night (it can still be rented on Amazon and with a 73% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and 6.3 stars overall it is likely to be available for awhile at least) gave me pause to consider not just the overt message of the film: "what is a real nerd?"; but the deeper issue of my growing dissatisfaction with the roleplaying industry, culture and the current state of D&D.

In a WIRED article shortly after the film was released the idea that ZC didn't do nerds any favors was addressed. This idea was fronted by an io9 writer but very adequately addressed by the film's writer Andrew Matthews who said,

“Despite many good examples, it can still be hard to convince people that a untraditional main character will resonate with audiences. Just because someone is nether heroic nor a typical everyman doesn’t mean you can’t sympathize with his struggles.” (source)

The "untraditional main character" that Matthews is talking about here is Scott Wiedermeyer. And yes, despite Scott's many faults, I do identify with him and deeply sympathize with his troubles. I recall first telling people about ZC and highly recommending it, only to receive somewhat cold and distant responses to the film and its message. I also began to realize the the reason was rooted in today's modern game and geek culture as opposed to what the movie itself represents. In short, the way you react to this film has a lot to do with what kind of "nerd" or "geek" you are. ZC pretty quickly separates the hipster nerd stylist from those of us like Sam Eidson's character, feel shut out from the new wave herd.

"A Dungeons & Dragons player since junior high, Matthews wanted Zero Charisma to depict how gamer life has changed as geek culture has become more mainstream. “These hobbies that used to require so much commitment and sacrifices to pursue are now so much easier. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The more people that are playing, the more players you can find. But for people like Scott – and myself on some level – it just kind of seems unfair. This is our world, our refuge that kind of belonged only to us. Once it goes mainstream it’s not special anymore.” (source)

Anyone who watched the movie cannot mistake that it is not Scott that is the ass, it is Miles. Miles, the charismatic hipster that not only takes over Scott's nerddom but monopolizes it for his own commercial purposes. The dichotomy here of course, is that all the people hanging out at Miles party where Scott makes his last stand, all love geek culture. The new geek culture, that is. They love comics, spec fic movies, literature, video games, and the shiny new D&D that's on the market today. They are the geek chic of today.

In fact that is the name of Miles' website: GeekChic.Com. A not so subtle play on the way old school nerd culture has been coopted today to become the new chic, the new cool. Andrews couldn't be much more clear in the statement his film seems to be making; he is clearly pointing to what is what in the nerd experience today.

This disparity is even played out when Scott goes to meet the creator of fantasy gaming himself: Gary Goran, the film's stand in for Gary Gygax. Nerds of old revered Gygax, and it is no surprise in Scott's gradual unhinging that he runs to his icon to find the respite and affirmation he knows in his heart to be true. Dakin Matthews does a marvelous job looking and acting the part of Gary for a bit part, especially because the scene is so important. That Gygax himself could be irascible and ornery is no secret and we see this played out by Dakin. The dialogue is great here, and when our anti-hero Scott gets the chance to talk with Gary directly the film delivers another poignant truth. Even Gary sold us out. Many of us felt cheated when Gary Gygax so frequently pointed out that D&D "was just a game", as Goran says to Scott in the film. Scott knows it is more than that, as do we all who loved and lived the game. Sometimes we consoled ourselves that Gygax "had to say that" because of the Satanic Panic and the public outcry that it was teaching occultism, and a threat to the moral Christian foundation of society. He was delivering a canned PR statement, that had to be it. But in our hearts we felt and feel just like Scott does in this scene.

"My players say I'm taking the game too seriously...I mean is it really possible for a game master to take the game too seriously?" (Scott to Gary at Wizard's Tower) See, it wasn't really a case of Scott's players who brought this up. Though they did say it, they were parroting Miles who pointed out, just like Gary, that it's "supposed to be fun". "It's just a game." Well, **** you Mr. Goran and **** you Miles! The game is more than that, and in the moment we need you to back us up you abandon us.

You see, this is the central message of the movie, seemingly confirmed by Andrew Matthews himself, that the game has become "not special" anymore. It has become the cool in thing everybody does, and they only do it for fun, as an idle pastime, which means nothing more to them than the next Avengers movie, the next release of HALO, or the next version of the iPhone. Scott is not lamenting the loss of his gaming group (though there certainly is that aspect, others do a better job of addressing that gaming woe). Scott is lamenting the loss of his life, his meaning, his world.

Could Scott become less self centered? Sure a bit; and could he become more forgiving, absolutely. And he does by movie's end. In fact some have decried the ending of the movie, as not really showing the resolution they wanted--Scott's gaming group back together. I personally find the ending entirely appropriate to the movie's purpose. Scott grew, but he also stayed true to who he was and what gaming meant to him. There he is working in a rest home, still supporting and spending time with his Nana, and playing his games with those who really need them-the lost and the the forgotten. I personally like to think Scott probably does still game with his old friends. But that is not the point, the point is deeper and truer to what gaming was back in the day than what it has become today.

Without getting too personal, I find the movie very true to life. And I also find that it sheds some light on my increasing dissatisfaction with and the lack of connection to the current gaming industry. I find the culture at Wizbro and Paizo largely made up of Miles-like hipster groups and not representative of me, my gaming, or my experience. They do not seem to embrace gaming like I do, nor does it mean the same things to them. I may be wrong. It may very well mean the exact same things, but it is not at all apparent on the surface.

Gaming meant something to me rooted in a need for meaning and purpose and personal identity that nothing else quite seemed to provide. I was entranced from the first moment I encountered it. Something deep and profound opened within me, something that led me along paths I would not have taken otherwise and which in large part define me today. I felt like Scott felt, and though I might not have been as big a jerk about it as Scott sometimes was, I totally get why he did what he did.

What I guess I'm trying to say is that if you don't "get" this movie, you don't get me.

Gaming Confusion

An unfinished thought I still find relevant today.

So, I've been struggling a bit lately. I've been in a fairly deep creation process and it has turned into a sort of soul searching journey through what I really want in gaming. Funny that, as I really thought I knew. That was the whole idea of creating the game in the first place. I suppose some might wonder why I would even try in the current climate when there are so many games already, and so many clones which recreate the old school ethos, and the old games themselves are so readily available. Why undertake something that just crowds the field? Others might understand completely. Isn't this this the real purpose of the OSR after all? To not only allow the old games a place, but to allow each of us to assemble the kind of game we wanted to play--the way we played back in the good old days. much of the energy and impetus of the OSR kept up its head of steam as old school aficionados deconstructed every aspect of the systems we loved  in order to build up the kinds of mods we wanted to see on the old school chassis we preferred. Then we could do what we never could in the old days--publish our own stuff for those very games. Now that we are all "satisfied" with the games we play and our freedom to do with them what we will. Even if we had the freedom to play the way we wanted back in the day, as we argued here recently, we certainly couldn't sell our own products for them freely. So thus the OSR has and to some degree continues to offer us gaming satisfaction.

Why then am I unable to feel at peace with my gaming? Why is 5e so unsatisfying? Why can't I just embrace the OSR and play the games everyone else is? And if the game or community doesn't quite exist the way I wish, then why can't I quite bring myself to create the game I want to find?